By Nicole
Williams
Author of: Girl on Top: Your Guide to
Turning Dating Rules into Career Success
Let’s face it. We spend more
waking hours at work than at home. And considering the fact that men think
about sex every 52 seconds (true stat!), to think that hookups aren’t taking
place in the office is not only absurd, it’s naïve. Today’s working singles
have little time to socialize with existing friends, much less meet enough new
people to successfully find love. An estimated 10 million couples met
their mate at the office in 2003. Some found themselves in sticky
situations with far reaching career consequences, even resulting in the loss of
their job. Others had a fling, married co-workers or engaged in extramarital
affairs. It’s no longer just the classic image of the male boss chasing his
female secretary around the desk. Women are initiating the trysts as well, and
are even doing so with subordinates.
It is becoming more common for companies to ask workers to sign love contracts,
which require them to alert their bosses to an office romance, confirm that it
is indeed voluntary and inform them when they break up. Other companies have
policies against in-office relationships. However, with or without these
restrictions, negotiating an office love affair can be tricky. It’s difficult
to avoid distractions, conflicts, and gossip, not to mention the complications
if and when the relationship ends. Ultimately, if you start an office love
affair, you need to keep your résumé up to date, because it’s likely that one
of you will need to look for a new job. Of course, if you understand the
risks and insist on taking them for the sake of finding love, here are a couple
of guidelines to follow:
Know Your Company’s Policy on
Inter-office Dating
If there are special rules, make sure you talk together about it first and are
clear about the potential ramifications before moving forward.
Don’t Keep It Secret
If you are hiding your relationship, it’s likely that you shouldn’t be in it in
the first place.
Be Discreet and Act Professional
Nothing will put off your colleagues and superiors more than public displays of
affection, much less sexual exchanges on office property. I’ve heard some great
stories about the places in the office couples find to have sex; the boardroom
seems to be the favorite, followed by the snack room and elevator. But these
quickies are often discovered and may result in much more dire consequences
than a little gossip around the cooler.
Be Aware of Sexual Harassment
This is true especially if you are thinking about starting a relationship with
a subordinate. Even if you are both enthusiastic, if the relationship gets
rocky, you might find yourself facing charges. A subordinate is arguably
incapable of consenting freely to a relationship with her supervisor, because
of the inherent pressure and influence of a direct superior’s advances.
By the way, your company is the one that pays the harassment bill. And
insurance doesn’t cover it.
Finally, if you find yourself in an office entanglement that has gotten tricky,
or if you have doubts about how to handle the office politics around your
affair, think about making use of the human resource department. They will be
able to advise you and advocate for you should you need it. In general, while
an office affair can work out, it’s often more trouble than it’s worth. But, as
Shakespeare once put it, “The heart knows reason that reason knows not.” In
other words, “sometimes we just can’t help ourselves.”
Author Bio:
Nicole Williams, author of Girl on Top: Your Guide to Turning Dating Rules into
Career Success, is the best-selling author of Wildly Sophisticated: A Bold New
Attitude for Career Success and Earn What You're Worth, and the founder of
WORKS by Nicole Williams, the first media and content company marketed toward
young professional women. Her advice is featured regularly in major media
outlets including Elle, Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Marie Claire, the Wall Street
Journal, and the Financial Times. Nicole also regularly appears on The Today
Show, ABC's Primetime, Good Morning America, Fox News, and CNN.
You can visit Nicole's websites at www.NicoleWilliams.com
and www.GirlOnTopBook.com.
©2009 Nicole Williams, author of Girl on Top: Your Guide to Turning Dating
Rules into Career Success
Thanks Nicole for this great advice. Today more and more people are finding true love at work (or at least temporarily) which makes the landscape of work and life balance trickier. Always remember to be professional about your conduct and as Nicole points out, if things go wrong, reach out for help to avoid further problems.
